Hello ladies! ( and gents) today’s post is going to be a bit..depressing to say the least. If you have read my first post, “Rejection” , you have a beforehand idea of why I might be reluctant to dating. Although I’ve never actually dated, I’ve witnessed my fair share of what seemed to be “perfect, against-the-odds couples” within the blink of my eye, their relationship deteriorated.
Besides, this is still my current mood:
I know it’s almost been over 2 weeks since that fateful Wednesday, and my friends have been egging me to forget about him. I can’t. Someone whom I’ve liked for over a few months, do they honestly think by snapping my fingers, that the prolonged feelings I had for him will disappear just like that? Of course not. Even in the recesses of my mind, I do have some unanswered questions, that if I ever had the chance (or guts) to ask : Did you ever have feelings for me? Would you date me…even if you didn’t have feelings for me? Oh…you have a girlfriend..what’s her name? Even my profounding curiosity has been eating me up inside: Who is his girlfriend? Is it the tanned blonde that I see him walking around with? Or the bitchy redhead? Is he girlfriend “socially ideal” or is she the preppy cheerleader who is on the honor-roll?” ” Is she that one girl who every guy drools over, and whom every girl wishes she could be? I’m afraid of what answers I may get. . .
My reasons for not wanting to date:
1. The efforts I put into the relationship will be energy-draining, and exhausting with no payoff whatsoever:
“The girl who always gets her bf a gift, the one who remembered the anniversary, the girl who remembers his birthday, the girl who’s up till the next day just to console her boyfriend, the girl who can cook, the girl who brings him Starbucks…” And for what? Nothing.
I know that you’re supposed to be altruistic, especially to significant others, but everyone has a limit. That point where when one gives, gives, and gives, and nothing comes out of it, one feels their efforts are in vain. It may seem selfish, but I’d least expect a “thank you” or some sort of gratitude, no matter how insignificant be. I’m doing everything in my ability to keep him happy, and in the end, does he even notice? I don’t want to waste precious blood, sweat, and tears into a relationship, when the guy simply doesn’t acknowledge or appreciate it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a super “high-maintenance” per se , but I do expect something in return for my hardwork, perhaps a box of chocolates, or even jewelry ( it can be the cheap forever 21 brand, I don’t care lol. ) Heck it doesn’t even need to be in the form of an object! A hug, a kiss..anything that shows me he is grateful for what I do for him, and he’s not with me , because I shower him with gifts and favors.
2. Friends Abandoning Me
This really bewilders me. The most common “reasons” friends justify abandoning their friends who enter a romantic relationship, is simply the fact that they don’t want to deal with their “drama.” Once upon a time, what happened to that fateful promise at the slumber party regarding supporting me no matter what? Proclaiming that you’re my shoulder to cry on when things get tough, or if I ever had “guy problems”, I should come to you . Oh yeah, who cares about promises anymore? Apparently not the people who make them. In my “Rejection” post, I gave my friends full praise my for their support, because they helped me feel worthy. They didn’t abandon me when I needed the most, and because of them, I managed to keep my head held up high, despite still feeling low. It can be tiresome for someone to always be bombarded with romantic drama, but as a friend, it should be adviseable to at least give some advice, whether they’re fed up or not. Trust me, I was slightly irritated when my friend would talk about her boyfriend, but I wanted to help her no matter what, because this guy made her so happy, and as a friend, I felt obligated to listen to her no matter how much I disliked heaing about her boyfriendu * insert random kissie faces o 3 o *
Another frequent reason is that the attention from them will be directed to the significant other. Understandably, I can see how it gets frustrating when my friend is pissed off because I have to cancel plans with her, because the “bae” has tickets to go see a movie with him. I mean I wouldn’t put my friends lower than the significant other, but I need to give them attention as well. . .and I have faith that my friends would understand and I would makeup up for the cancelled plans.
Ah, there are so many different scenarios to cover, but the most simple and frequent question:
“Why commit yourself to a relationship if you’re just going to sleep around? It isn’t limited to just having ‘sex’, per se, kissing, some people even consider ‘flirting’ as a form of cheating, sending nudes, texts etc.
And then are the possible reactions I would have if I discovered that he cheated on me :
– Selfdepreciation: ” It was my fault, I’m so pathetic, if I had been a better gf…then none of this would’ve happened…”
Right off the bat, when I enter the relationship, I devote 100% of my time into the relationship ( see #1), and I would never, ever cheat on my partner. Although, if I were cheated on, maybe I would feel that it’s my fault because I wasn’t giving him what he wanted. I’m not sure what exactly I lacked for him, but apparently it drove him to cheat which I think is a crock of crap. Stupid excuses such as ” You didn’t give me enough attention” ” I was bored in the relationship” ” You never do what I want to do” or my personal
favorite ” All you’re worried about is school and work, and you never want to party of have fun” I’m sorry but it takes two to tango. How is it my obligation to provide you with EVERYTHING that you want? Woe is me for not wanting to party every single FUCKING night. This may come as a shock to you, but I have family, I have friends, I have a life of my own. I’m focusing on graduating high school, going to college, getting a career, and and I’m not going to waste it away partying or hanging out all the time. I have responsibilites, and I’m not going to be able to just do whatever I want whenever I want. I learned to grow up. Oh, by the way, did you take my feelings into consideration when you decided to kiss that other girl? No. You were only thinking of your own selfish desires. Maybe I didn’t want to hang with you and your buddies last night, but understand that I have my personal reasons and you should respect that. Hard to believe that you even respect me considering you cheated on me. You didn’t even tell me… I found out from the other girl who called your cell, claiming that you were HER boyfriend!
– Emotionally Shutting Down
Already being an introvert, I don’t talk to many people. This advantage has led me to see the world in a different perspective. I am the only one in my class who witnessed the preppy girl cheating on every science test. I quietly witnessed the group of girls talking crap about the one that was absent that day, and when she returns, they act like best friends, and sing kumbaya. It’s amazing how too-faced people have become, and I’m not as naive about pursuing a friendship, because I already beforehand who to trust and who not to .
Cheating changes people. My best friend who was with this guy for over a year, and within that year, to cut to the chase- it was a whole lie. She used to be so bubbly, vibrant, energetic, and now she’s cynical and barely smiles. I can’t blame her. I can’t sympathize with her, because I have no idea what it’s like to be in a relationship, and get cheated on. I can only imagine that it would rip my heart apart. All her love effort, devotion, and mind you, she bought him an expensive skateboard for her birthday, wrote him love letters, and did she expect anything in return? No. Not a single thing. I think that the emotional damage because of one person is sometimes too much.
P.S. She also sent him $200 hundred dollars in the mail which he claimed he never got. Whatever.
4. I engage in romantic relationships, not because I love him, simply because I don’t be “alone“.
Carefully take note of the word “again.” Not just once, or twice, but again, again, and again. I’ve seen countless people enter relationships that were volatile in the beginning and consequently crumbled because there was no solid foundation to begin with. ” I know that he still talks to his ex, but I know for a fact that he won’t cheat on me. . . “ and the inevitable happens. Boom! got cheated on. The whole breakup -move-on-a-week-later-then-get-together-with-another-guy cycle is vicious and energy draining. The importance of standards, commitment, respect honesty has diminished and relationships transform into a “whatever, oh well” phase. “I’ll just find someone else- doesn’t have to be a good guy, just anyone who will be there. ” I believe it’s worse than actual cheating because the settling for less, and simply useless. Sure I would be hurt no matter how many times I get cheated on or when an abrupt breakup occurs, (those feelings would never change,) but I’m compromising my integrity, and my honor when I partake in toxic relationships that were voided from the beginning, anyways. I suspect that’s one of the reasons why divorce rates are sky-rocketing. Apart from the common causes: infidelity, and abuse, the whole notion that a marriage is going to be a happy fairytale that involves no hard work, is absolutely preposterous. No matter what kind of relationship it is: friendship, family relationships any kind requires hard work. It’s no different when it comes to a long-term, romantic relationship.
Well that is my take on relationships, but despite all my fears, I’m not saying that I will never engage in a relationship. there were my personal thoughts, and I sincerely hope the best for everyone’s relationships, although that may not happen. Sorry for the long rant, but thank you for taking your time to read all this. I might make a part 2 on this :DD
Love, Annie ❤