0

This close to snapping

I’m not even going to bother with saying hi, because I’m near my limit. At this point in time, I feel like a can of soda that’s been shooken up so many times that I’m about to burst, and (yes there is a limit!)

I didn’t want to make up any excuses about my absence, but there’s been so much drama going on in my life that I have no choice but to confront it. Years ago, I decided to be confined to a small network of people whom I talked to, but over the past few years, that network has expanded, consequently. Along with the expansion of friends, I also became entangled in drama, heartbreak, and just utter chaos.

I’m sorry if I sound dramatic, but in my honest opinion, I wished there was a “pause” button on life.

I know that I sound whiny at this point, and drama is inevitable, but it’s so amazing at how just a click away someone can plaster a screenshot of an argument, on a Facebook wall, and withing minutes tons of people (mainly irrelevant) join the drama frenzy and a once simple situation can transform into a conglomerate mess.

My friend ( calling him a friend would be offensive, but the sake of mutual respect, I’ll just call him “C”), is a two faced cheater who clearly doesn’t respect girls in general. He didn’t cheat on me, but on one of my close friends who I shall call “R”. I didn’t know that ‘C’ was dating ‘R’, because ‘C’ claimed that he was dating a female named ‘M’. But it gets better: ‘C’ had declared in a Skype group chat that he didn’t need “us” ( friends) and that the only person who mattered the most was ‘M’. Outraged, “X” tried to pound some sense into ‘C’ but ‘C’ blocked him, and ‘X’ was eventually fed up with his childish antics. For some inexplicable reason ‘C’ continued to try to talk to me, despite saying he didn’t care about me. Here’s a little fun fact, prior to him dating “M” , “C” tried to hookup with me by sending me pictures of his half-naked body ( no real nudes or anything), but I then discovered that he only asked me out cause he was “in heat” and two weeks later, he got with “M”. I knew that C’s relationship with M was volatile because of the way he flaunted her sexuality. The second day that they were together, he bragged in the Skype group chat that they had Skyped “naked” together, it was really disgusting to be quite honest, and in the group chat was “Sh” which was one of his exes as well….ugh

Anyways just a few hours ago, I discovered that my friend “R”  started dating “C” on the 27th of March, even though “C’ claimed he broke up with “M” on the 7th which was just yesterday. Enough said. And, the best part is that “C” is accusing me and my friend “Z” of sabotaging his relationship with “M”, and as you can see, it’s horseshit. “C” had not only cheated on his gf, but explicitly remarked that “Girls were only good for their tits” and that “Society is stupid for thinking girls should be treated with respect” ( the second one he didn’t say outright, but he implied it). He also said that ” you’re acting like you’re the one victim” which is false, because when I confronted him, I’m not worried about myself. My friend doesn’t deserve a guy who disrespects and cheats around. She doesn’t deserve to be deceived and lied to, and most importantly, she deserves someone who will take a relationship seriously. And I even talked to our mutual friend “So” if he knew, and he said he did, but didn’t care, and that regardless, ‘C’ is his bro. He even had the audacity to tell me I don’t know what the true definition of a friend was, and that people talk shit right behind my back, and I had no room to judge. The stupidity is mind-boggling. As long as his friend didn’t do shit to him, he’s perfectly fine, and that’s the type of quality i hate about people these days. It’s just the casual “it’s whatever, what so and so does is his business, idc attitude is cringe-worthy.” People these days are complaining that others judge them, just because someone has the balls to tell them what they’re doing is wrong/ inappropriate, or whatever the case may be. People want others to stay by their sides without having put forth the effort, or improving themselves. They was excuses, they think they can do whatever the hell they want and I’m sorry if this is a rude awakening but IT DOESN’T FUCKING WORK THAT WAY.

TL;DR: A pathetic cheater making excuses while Karma is right around the corner to kick your ass to the curb.

I’m sorry, but I had to vent.

 

4

IMHO: Rejection

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Isn’t that a lovely first official post….

Hi, you guys, although i had originally stated that this blog would mostly feature makeup reviews, skincare reviews, happy, light-hearted subjects for the most part, just girly things one thing that I hadn’t anticipated was my first post on “rejection.” We all understand that it’s an aspect of our lives that naturally occurs: whether it’s getting turned down for a job interview, or not getting into the college of our dreams, but we have all developed unique mechanisms in order to cope with such disappointments…especially something like getting rejected by your crush….U_U… heh, here is my method:

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Okay maybe this isn’t the best method, but at least it’s better than curling up in a ball, bawling over a guy  …that is taken.. allow me tell you the whole story to get a better picture, and no, I do not gorge on Oreos, Pocky, and Chocolate bars EVERYDAY…. > . >

This happened just yesterday…as I can clearly remember since it was just yesterday. . _ . lol.  I had confessed to Mitchell ( yes, I am calling him by his name  because what is the likelihood that he is going to stumble across my lame-o blog) anyways… xD, I  first met him Sophomore year…1st period, Spanish class. Oh, geez.. I hated that class….me, being somewhat of an introvert, forced myself to raise up my hand, and to make the matter more stressful, we were required to have at least six “puntos”- (Spanish for points) -I think, in order to receive a 100 in participation for the week. I remembered an activity in which we had to stand up and interview other classmates about, asking them what their names are and what they like to do, etc. I distinctively remembered how much I used to hate him- despite not knowing him at all…It’s safe to say that I judged him solely on his appearance- purple Dr.Dre Beats, Air Jordans…the Teal Ralph Lauren Polo shirt, with the neon yellow logo…let’s be honest, he’d look like the typical “swaggot”, I am by no means “popular”. I’m the type of girl who wore the  Forever XXI jewelry that a I found on the clearance rack with a decent off-brand top and jeans that actually cover my entire butt. I am by no means loud, nor ghetto, nor do I get angry enough to punch a locker..I am not outspoken, nor do I take selfies and blow up social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram… however my perception of him changed but once i approached him, he had a gentle demeanor about him…for the brief moment that I talked to him he cracked a joke, and we chuckled a bit. ” Hey, this guy isn’t so bad” I thought to myself. Granted that I avoided people of “his” kind (popular ghetto kids). As Sophomore year progressed, I found myself selecting him more often to be my partner in group projects, and even in English class, while we were paired up, and we screwed around so much in the hallways, we shared so many funny moments together that it he left a special imprint in my memory. He was someone different. Someone who wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen around with me in public, someone who would make direct eye contact with my hideous face >>, someone who is respectable and humble, someone who talks to anyone and everyone..even the hoes…-cough cough-, but unfortunately, it was fate that we didn’t have any classes the following year.

Ironically enough, I didn’t harbor romantic feelings for him last year, understandably since I recently met him, and it was also the year when I stopped giving a damn about my grades to ( please don’t neglect your grades T _ T luckily I passed with B’s and C’s…but…in all seriousness, don’t gamble with your grades). My feelings had developed over the span of the summer, because he set himself apart from the stereotypes. Yes, he may dress up to appear like the “Swaggots”, but he wasn’t like any of those generic idiots, and yes this may sound like a generic question, but how many people do we know are not typical stereotypes? Very few…and how mature he was for his age, I just found myself wanting him as more than just a friend…

Fast-forward to yesterday…actually a couple of days before then,  I had seen him standing by the side of the hallway, alone so I decided that it would be my chance to confess to him. I quietly leaned next to him, and whispered to him  “I like you…just a little bit”. He smiled slightly, I couldn’t tell that he was sincerely flattered, or creeped out or perhaps nervous, and then I asked him if it was a bad thing, and he said no…and then I disappeared into the sea of students transitioning between classes. The next day, he nodded to me, while I was heading to first period, so I was gonna ask him if he liked me back…and he waited patiently…but I was too nervous, and quickly scurried into my classroom, which, luckily for me..he was nearby.

Now, just yesterday, while I was walking to second period, I had caught up with him and I asked if he liked me back. He took me into the side of the hallway where no one was nearby, and he murmured: ” …Well….ah..did you know that I had a girlfriend?” I quietly said no. ” She goes to my church…I’m so sorry…” I smiled, and walked away, with a smile plastered on my face. 6th period, my friends, Angie and Sydney were asking me what was wrong, but I didn’t tell them. I found myself, beginning to cry softly, the hot tears blurred my vision. I don’t want to sound melodramatic, but I never expected it to hurt that bad.

Around midnight I texted  Angie and told her ” he has a gf”, and she tried to reassure me that everything would be okay, and that he will be a hobo on the streets, begging for some booty LOL ( Love ya Angie! ❤ ) And throughout the day, I trudged down the hallways, barely speaking a word to anyone, because it’s one of those things that people will either push aside, or allow to linger within their minds. Part of me wondered about his gf..what did she do to win his heart?, how does she look like?, is she the type of girl that every guy wants? Another part of me wondered if he ever liked me, which was most likely no, and sometimes I thought about what would’ve happened if we were to date- considering we come from different poles of the popularity spectrum.

However, I think that the most invaluable life supports that I have is the ability to cope with the help of my friends. Yes it sounds corny, but having friend-support is one of the most important  factors of coping with any sort of rejection, because with friends, I am able to go to someone and ask for help. I’m able to cry on a shoulder and plot to burn the world down, and have someone by my side. they could talk to to me for hours on the phone, or hear me cry my eyes out, but they would never turn away, and to be quite honest with you guys, you should never take your friends for granted.

To be quite honest, at the moment, I feel like total crap…but I’m trying to smile, you know, because that’s the only thing I can do..right? Even though I hoped for the best, but expected the worst, I didn’t think that it would’ve pierced my heart from rejection. I didn’t imagine that I would actually shed tears, because we didn’t see each other, often anyways. I didn’t perceive my crush for him to be more than just a momentary crush. I hate to admit it but I’ve never been in a romantic relationship, but I have an inkling of how it feels to be hurt by someone you care about, because they’re nearest and dearest to you. One of the most common misconceptions about “just moving on”, is the fact that it’s not easy, and it won’t happen suddenly. I’ve liked this guy for a quite a while, my crush for him isn’t going to disappear overnight, and I can’t force it to, because if I were able to”just move on”..then that probably meant that I didn’t give a damn about him- at least not that much.

Any-who most of  my entries won’t be depressing I promise, and I just wanted to share my experience with you guys, and thank you for taking the time to read my rant x . x I’m currently a combination of frustrated, angry, sad, hurt, and agitated, but I will try to find the courage to move on…

 When your heart gives out and your love collapses
When the hand that never lets go is there no more
When you reap and sow only throe and resentment
When there’s no one else but you to blame it for

When all you ever wish for is to go back once more
When all you ever wish for is to change it all
When all you feel is remorse, pain and regret
When you dwell in the past unable to move on
….”

Yours truly,

~  Annie ❤